For some reason I decided to become a vegetarian then as well. People ask me why it was that it happened and I don't really have much of a response. Part of me thinks it was just to keep from gaining a toni f weight with the stop to smoking. But part of it had to do with a desire to become a locavoire. I think actually the truth of it was that I had been eating less and less meat and more and more vegetables willfully on my own. Stoping eating meat was just kind of the next step.
Last year I was pretty bad with the smoking. I kind of blame it on Nathan and Jay and Eric and all the fun that we were having - but that is just bullshit. We had a tendency to bender. I have no regrets about that but being possession of the knowledge of the health issues my father and grandfather had with smoking, its just ignorant of me to continue on the way that I have been.
So the hiatus. But I am pushing it a little bit farther this year. I decided to cut out gluten and dairy as well as alcohol and nicotine. Combining this with a conscious effort to bike more and rigorously has left me feeling pretty fantastic already. I had a cold right after my birthday so that helped with the initial separation anxiety from the cigs and the whiskey. But now I am two days dairy and gluten free and I feel pretty fantastic.
I tried to do it late last summer and I was kind of amazed with how fantastic I felt. Its a pain to pay that much attention to the things that you eat (see- why I am not a vegan) and when I broke I stayed broke. I need to learn moderation, that its ok to fall from time to time, and that everything does not have to be black or white - all or nothing.
So here we are, reaching the completion of the first week smoke free and on the wagon and I can now begin to feel the dark bubbling, the murmuring of discontent in the underbelly of my soul. This is where the hunger starts to come in and this is where the dark voices whisper. I will reach the crux soon, where the only thing that I believe that will keep me functioning as a human will the be consumption, in post haste, of an entire pack of Camel Lights, 750ml of Jameson - perhaps a bit Coca-Cola to chase.
Then the questions come. The darkness will start to ask of me if this is really what I want in life. At some point I will face the false truths of "Why not just burn yourself out bright with nothing to show?" "Is this really the life that you want to live?" I will push past them, I hope.
Then, in a bit of humor, right before the hiatus ends I will come to that clarity and that realization that perhaps I will just keep on sober, perhaps I will not drink once I have allowed myself to again. I will probably make it a few days past that deadline and then get blackout drunk.
If the great experiment worked, hopefully without smoking.
I guess we will see who wins between the Phillies and the Pirates - but I think we already know that answer.


